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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {