Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's top entertainers used their broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. The program's website pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.